A Discourse on the Love and/or Hatred of Relena
by Ryuko-chan
Summary: A random fic I dreamed up while not sweeping the floor. Duo has called us all together, but for what? Is he really going to try and EXPLAIN the reason that so many people dislike Relena? Probably not.


A discourse on the love and or hatred of Relena  
  
Chibi-Duo stands in front of a blackboard, graduation cap perched jauntily on his bebraiden head. He looks mildly serious.  
  
Chibi-Duo: Now, I'm sure you all know why you're reading this fanfiction. ::becomes serious:: You have strong feelings about Relena. There is a strange phenomenon considering Relena.  
  
He walks over to a palate, where a board full of papers are. The one upon the palate states "A Discourse on the Phenomenon of Relena"  
  
Chibi-Duo: Ahem… Now, I know that you either love… ::takes down the first board, revealing a picture of Chibi-Relena with a heart around her:: Or hate her.. ::takes the picture down to reveal the same picture of Chibi- Relena, except now she had a red circle with a slash through it around her.:: This is a strange phenomenon, that I felt I must explore. So… We decided to speak with some… ::winks:: real fans.  
  
The stage splits apart to reveal behind him, two opposing ranks. One is Trowa and Zechs with a sign that has the Relena picture with a slash through it, the other is Quatre and Noin with a sign with the Relena picture with the heart around it. The bottom of the screen flashes, in incredibly large block letters "DRAMATIZATION".  
  
Chibi-Duo: Now, please tell me, O extreme Relena fan, why do you like Relena? ::turns mike to Chibi-Quatre::  
  
Chibi-Quatre: Well, I like her because she's pretty and popular and nice, and she always knows what to do.  
  
Chibi-Duo: And you, miss? ::Turns to Chibi-Noin::  
  
Chibi-Noin: I like her because she gets Heero!  
  
Chibi-Duo: Hm.. Valid arguments. Now, what do we have here? Oh, the Anti- Relena camp. ::Turns to Trowa:: Why do you hate Relena.  
  
Chibi-Trowa: ::totally without feeling:: Because she wants Heero, and he's mine, dammit…  
  
Chibi-Duo: Oh.. OK…And you? ::Turns to Chibi-Zechs::  
  
Chibi-Zechs: I hate her because she is annoying, and is such a bleeding heart, and can't take a hint.  
  
Chibi-Duo: Well, those are good arguments, too. But there's one camp that no one remembers at the time that they write angry flames and fanfiction.  
  
Gestures toward a velvet curtain, which parts to reveal Chibi-Heero, and an unidentified girl with long brown hair.  
  
Chibi-Duo: What is your camp? ::turns toward unidentified girl::  
  
Chibi-Author: My camp is the camp of people who want the plot and natural leanings of the characters to be stuck to. We call ourselves the "Oh, come on!" Camp.  
  
Chibi-Duo: "Oh, come on!"?  
  
Chibi-Author: "Oh, come on!". Because… ::steps forward into the light:: I mean, it's good for a character to have faults.. Because, how many of us have friends that we really like who are incredibly annoying? ::raises hand::  
  
Everyone but Duo raises their hands  
  
Chibi-Duo: HEY!  
  
Chibi-Author: And how many of us know someone who can't take a hint? ::raises hand::  
  
Everyone but Zechs raises their hands, especially Noin.  
  
Chibi-Zechs: ::looks around:: HUH?  
  
Chibi-Author: And how many of us are bleeding hearts? ::raises hand::  
  
Noone raises their hands. Then Trowa elbows Quatre, who blinks, and raises his hand.  
  
Chibi-Author: What I'm saying is, don't hate Relena just because you don't like the 'canon' couples.. And don't hate her because you like the couple of Duo and Heero…  
  
Chibi-Duo and Chibi-Heero: WHAT?!?  
  
Chibi-Author: ::pressing on, and ignoring them:: Hate Relena because… Er, wait, no… Don't hate Relena..  
  
All but Chibi-Author: YEAH!  
  
Chibi-Quatre: WE like her..  
  
Chibi-Duo: ::pops up:: The author likes her…  
  
Chibi-Author: ::nods, smiling chibily::  
  
Chibi-Duo: ::dirty look:: I meant the author of the SERIES…  
  
Chibi-Author: ::dejected::  
  
Chibi-Trowa: Countless doujinshi writers… uh… probably hate her.  
  
Chibi-Heero: I…. ::everyone looks at him, and he sours:: am ambivalent about her.  
  
Chibi-Author: Besides, why are you wasting your time loving, and or hating a fictional character? Come out of your basements and attics and various nooks and crannies, and peel your eyes away from the computer! Go out and live!!!!  
  
Chibi-cast of Gundam Wing: ::glares at Chibi-Author::  
  
Chibi-Author: Uh… Um… Forget I said that!  
  
Chibi-Cast of Gundam Wing: ::Leaps at Chibi-Author, creating a dust cloud as they beat the bajeezus out of her.::  
  
The picture fades out to a screen reading "THE END"  
  
  
  
Author's note: That was randomly concocted while I was supposed to be thinking about cleaning the kitchen. I did get it done, but later I typed this. Thank you. Please please flame me. I want to be flamed. Do so at DragonGirl17@AOL.com. RIGHT NOW, if you have such a notion. I enjoy laughing like hell over many flamity flames. And for the record, yes, I am of the camp that I mentioned. I extremely dislike the Duo/Heero coupling. I also do not like Quatre and Trowa as a couple too much, though I did write a small number of fics for them. It just came to me, but anyway. 


End file.
